1. make a wild boar mask out of paper mache. stand on countertop and hold onto a chair. with free hand, hold the broken clock that you made in 8th grade. feign enthusiasm.
2. borrow you roommate's accordion. hold one end of it by your teeth and let the bellows drop before said roommate gets mad at you.
3. show your discontent over the result of the last world cup by draping a spanish flag out of your mouth so it looks like you're barfing it out.
4. use off bug repellant spray as a blowtorch by lighting the spray with a bic. place as close to your mouth as possible. try not to burn yourself/inhale said bug repellant spray.
5. take up a disgusting habit like smoking. make it even more disgusting by using your toes as a cigarette holder. laugh at the haters.
6. cut bottom of balloon and place your fist inside of it. squirm around like a fish caught in a plastic soda can holder.
7. obtain bamboo forks. spend three hours trying to figure out what bamboo forks are made to do. get frustrated and stick said forks in your teeth.
8. convince yourself that you're going to lose weight by using your imagination. balance on dumbbells while you stand still in a running stance. cry.
9. stream saturday night live season 27 from your netflix app. shove phone into your tambourine drum and place said drum on your head. wait for weekend update. laugh at jimmy's hair.
10. consider custodial labor as a profession. regret accepting a gig from that surrealist guy who wants his stucco spotless at all times.
11. break off closet knob. stick finger in the hole you just made. feel better about yourself.
12. take knob from number 11. stick finger in it. allow roommate to turn the knob. do not let him in.
13. obtain popeye's spinach can from the dollar tree on east 8th street. balance over your flabby biceps. watch the women swoon.
14. have reformed christian roommates who decorate the living room with christmas decorations. rip off said decorations and wrap them around your head as a statement of your hindu pride.
15. have to make a sculpture using rubber bands. have an abundance of left over rubber bands. play cat's cradle with said rubber bands using two feet and a hand.
16. share a bunkbed with a gay art major with lots of toys. get on all fours and let him use you as his personal toy shelf.*
17. fill hand with barbasol. spread said barbasol over you face. pick up a shick quatro. drool.
18. adorn a creepy mask. pick up two guitar amps and wrap ac cables around your body. attach quarter inch cables to said amps and place the other ends in your mouth.
19. cut a banana width-wise. gut out a hole with a potato peeler. stick your finger in said whole until the peel bursts and begins to leak (then take remove banana and lick said finger).
20. obtain ANPQuarterly Volume 2 Number 5. position yourself behind the magazine so that you blend into the photo of Susan Miller. do something with your hands.